Steven Universe
by Machozi
Summary: Swapped AU: Just like the SU universe. The Crystal Gems are the Homeworld Gems. The Homeworld Gems are the Crystal Gems. Cheeseburger Backpack is in the works!
1. Gem Glow

**Disclaimer: I do not own Steven Universe. I do not own any of these plots. I only own some characters that are extremely minor. I will put this on every chapter. This is only for entertainment.**

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"Nooooo!" Steven yelled at Lars, one of the workers at the Big Donut. "This can't be happening! This has to be a dream! Lars, Lars! Please tell me I'm dreaming!" Steven kept yelling at Lars. Steven had gripped onto Lar's leg. Lars shook him off.

"Get off me man, I'm stocking here!" Lars yelled. "I'm sorry, Steven, I guess they stopped making them" Sadie, Lars' friend and co-worker, told Steven. "Stopped making them?! Why in the world would they stop making Cookie Cat? They're only the most scrumptious and delicious ice cream sandwich ever made! Don't they have laws for this?!" Steven said.

"Tough bits, man. Nobody buys them anymore. I guess they couldn't compete with Lion Lickers." Lars said. "Well, if you miss your wimpy ice cream so much, why don't you make some with your "magic chest"? Ahahahahaha!" Lars mocked.

"That's not how it works, Lars! ... Right? Oh, sweet Cookie Cats, with your crunchy cookie outside and your icy creamy insides... you were too good for this world. " Steven said. "Ugh... Steven? Do you want to take the freezer with you?" Sadie offered. Steven nodded.

Steven ran to the Crystal Temple humming the "Cookie Cat" theme song. When Steven got home, he saw Jasper, Lapis, and Peridot fighting Centipeetles. "Hey guys, you won't believe this-" Steven said before getting cut off by a Centipeetle gem. "Wah!" Steven yelled.

Lapis grabbed a Centipeetle off. "Sup Steven," Lapis said. "Sorry, Steven, we'll get these centipeetle out of your room. We think they were trying to get into the temple." Peridot assured Steven. "Aw, you don't have to get rid of 'em. They're really cool." Steven told the other Crystal Gems.

Lapis poofed the small centipeetle. "Um, you guys, these things don't have a gem," Lapis said. "That means there must be a mother somewhere nearby," Jasper said. "We should probably find it before anyone gets hurt." Peridot said."Oh! Oh! Can I come?! Can I, can I?!" Steven asked.

" Steven, until you learn to control the powers in your gem, we'll take care of protecting humanity, okay?" Peridot said. Steven noticed Centipeetle in the fridge. "Aw, man. Hey! Get out of there! Go on, shoo shoo! Aw, they got into everything. Not cool! No way... it can't be! W-where did you get these?! I thought they stopped making them!" Steven said about the Cookie Cats in the fridge.

"Well, we heard that too, and since they're your favorite—". "We went out and stole a bunch!" Lapis said happily, interrupting Peridot. "I went back and paid for them," Peridot said. "The whole thing was my idea," Jasper said while retracting her helmet back to her gem. "It was everyone's idea," Lapis said. "Not really," Jasper said.

"All that matters is that Steven is happy," Peridot said.

"Oohhhhh!  
He's a frozen treat with an all new taste!  
'cause he came to this planet from outer space!  
A refugee of an interstellar war!  
But now he's at your local grocery store!  
Cookie Cat!  
He's a pet for your tummy!  
Cookie Cat!  
He's super duper yummy!  
Cookie Cat!  
He left his family behind!  
Cookie Caaaaat!  
Now available at Gurgens off Route 109!" Steven sang. The other Crystal Gems cheered with applause. "I can't believe you did this. I'm gonna save these forever! Right after I eat this one. Hello, old friend." Steven said, then biting into an ear. "Oh, so good! I like to eat the ears first." Steven said while the gem on his chest began to glow.

"Uh… Steven…" Lapis said, then pointing to Steven's gem. "Wha...MY GEM!" Steven exclaimed. "Quick, try and summon your weapon!" Lapis said. "I don't know how! Ah, it's fading! How do I make it come back?!" Steven said. "Calm down, Steven. Breathe, don't force it" Peridot said. "Yeah, and try not to poop yourself either," Lapis said. "Yeah, try not," Jasper said. Jasper and Lapis laughed.

"Ah, I was really close that time! Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?" Steven asked. "Oh, I'll go first!" Peridot said sing-songy.

Steven and Peridot went to a hill and brought various metals for Peridot. Steven picked up some nuts and bolts and threw them in the air. "Wah!" Steven said. "Pay attention to these nuts and bolts, Steven. The nuts' dance seems improvised, but it is being calculated in real time based on the physical properties of this planet. With hard work and dedication, you can master the magical properties of your gem and perform your own dance!" Peridot started dancing weirdly and Steven giggled. Just before the nuts and bolts hit the ground Peridot caught them.

"I know I don't have a weapon, but when I use my mental powers, it is like summoning a weapon," Peridot told Steven. Steven walked off, to go find Lapis behind the big donut. "Did Peri tell you the whole "nuts and bolts" dance thing?" Lapis asked. "Yeah, it was pretty cool," Steven said.

"I need to practice really hard so I can dance like a tree... I think" Steven continued. "Listen, Steven, all that practice stuff is no fun. Whenever I need to summon my weapon, it just happens." Lapis said, summoning her wings and flying. "See, didn't try at all," Lapis told Steven

Lars ran out and screamed. "Huh?! HOW?! AGAIN?!" Lars yelled. Steven ran off to go find Jasper. "So I'm supposed to work really hard and not try at all at the same time?" Steven asked Jasper.

"Yes. Or... you could link your mind with the energy of all existing matter. Channeling the collective power of the universe through your gem, which results in—At least that's my way of doing' it. Sometimes I just let my anger build up and it just summons itself" Jasper told Steven before laughing like some kind of cartoon villain.

Around 2 hours later

"I think my best bet is to recreate what happened the last time my gem glowed. So... Jasper and Lapis were here. Peridot was next to the fridge. Hmm. Lapis, I think your arms were crossed?" Steven said, trying to recreate his gem glowing.

"Okay, your majesty," Lapis said. "And Peridot, your foot was like this," Steven told Peridot. "I don't think it works this way Steven," Peridot said. "And Jasper, uh... Yeah." Steven said. "Then I took a bite of this Cookie Cat. Oh, wait! I sang the song first. Uh, he's a frozen treat, all new taste, interstellar war, now available at Ghurven's. Aww, it was funnier last time. Maybe I'm not a real Crystal Gem." Steven said while trailing off.

"Don't be a clod, of course, you are!" Peridot said. "Yeah Peridot, real supportive" Jasper mumbled. "And you're fun to have around, even if your gem is useless. I... mean, you're one of us, Steven. We're not the Crystal Gems without you!" Lapis told Steven.

"Yeah, even if I don't have powers, I've still got... Cookie Cat!" Steven said while taking a big bite of the Cookie Cat. "So good…" Steven said. Steven summoned his weapon, by accident. "Steven, it's a shield!" Peridot exclaimed.

"Whoa, what?! I get a shield?! Oooh... yeah!" He accidentally launched his shield which ricochets around the room, breaking a TV. Lapis bursts out laughing "Huh? Cookie Cat! I summon my weapon by eating ice cream!" Steven yelled. Peridot picks up one of the wrappers. "What's in these things?" She asked herself.

The temple rumbled. "What was that?" Steven said. "It is the centipeetle mother!" Jasper exclaimed, becoming angry. "Stay in the house, Steven!" Peridot said. "No way, I'm coming too!" Steven said while grabbing multiple Cookie Cats. The centipeetle mother attacks them all. They all hid over to the Crystal Gem temple hand.

"We could really use Steven's shield right about now!" Lapis exclaimed. Steven chucked a pebble at the mother. "Hey!" Steven yelled as he planted the Cookie Cat freezer into the ground. "Leave them alone!" Steven yelled.

"Steven NO!" The Gems exclaimed. "Cookie Cat Crystal combo powers activate! Uh-oh. Aaaah!" Steven said. He bit into another Cookie Cat but nothing happened. He retreated back. "We need to save Steven!" Peridot yelled to Lapis and Jasper. "Can we save ourselves first?!" Lapis asked.

"Goodbye, my friends," Steven said. He shoved 3 Cookie Cats in his mouth. "Why isn't it working?" Steven said. The Mother Centipeetle was about to bite into Steven's head. "Steven!" Jasper yelled. She held back the Mother's pincers.

The mother destroyed the Cookie Cat's freezer. "No... Oh, no no no!..." Steven yelled.

"Cookie Cat, he's a pet for your tummy. Cookie Cat, he's super duper yummy! Cookie Cat, he left his family behind! Cookie Caaat!" Steven yelled, then throwing the Cookie Cat freezer at the Mother of The Centipeetles. The Mother of The Centipeetles screeched in pain. "Now available... nowhere," Steven said.

"Yes!" Lapis cheered. "Guys, weapons!" Jasper demanded. The gems summoned her weapons. "Let's beat these Gems, LET'S DO THIS!" Jasper yelled. Jasper, Lapis, and Peridot all started to attack the Centipeetle. The Centipeetle poofed. Jasper grabbed it and bubbled it.

Steven looked at the broken Cookie Cat freezer. "Farewell, sweet Cookie Cats. I'll always remember the time we spent together" he said. Some tears streamed down his face. "Are you crying?" Lapis chortled. "ONLY A LITTLE!" Steven yelled, crying. He sniffed.

"Well, I guess your powers don't come from ice cream," Lapis said. "Of course, they don't come from ice cream. Don't worry, Steven, I'm sure someday you'll figure out how to activate your gem." Peridot explained. "Yes, in your own Steven-y not violent way," Jasper told Steven.

"I'm okay guys. I just—" Steven said, he paused due to his stomach rumbling. "Ugh, I think I ate too many Cookie Cats," Steven said. The gems laughed. Steven threw up. "Ew, that's disgusting!" Peridot screamed when she saw the pink-brown liquid that came out of steven's mouth.

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 **Edited: 8/29/2016**


	2. Laser Light Cannon

**Disclaimer: I do not own Steven Universe. I do not own any of these plots. I only own some characters that are extremely minor. I will put this on every chapter. This is only for entertainment.**

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Steven and Lapis ran to the Fryman Shop's counter. "Hey, Fryman, give me the bits!" Steven chanted. "Steven! We're closed." Mister Fryman said. "Awww What?" Steven said sadly. "Give 'em the bits! The bits, the bits.." Lapis chanted while hitting the counter. "The BITS! The BITS! The BITS!" Lapis and Steven chanted loudly.

"Okay, okay! Take it easy on the counter, will ya?" Mister Fryman said while going to go cook Fry Bits. "Yes!" Lapis and Steven yelled. Mister Fryman came back with Fry Bits in a bag. "I can give you actual fries if you want." He offered. "Just the bits, please. Thanks." Steven said while grabbing the bag.

"Ah, sunset, my favorite time of day. When the sun goes down, and the second sun gets bigger and bigger in the sky." Steven said to Lapis. Lapis bursted out laughing."Yeah, that big hot second su—" Lapis gasped. "Oh no, what is that doing here?" Lapis said. "What is it?" Steven asked.

Lapis picked Steven up and summoned her wings. She flew off, making Steven drop his fry bits. "AH, MY BITS!" Steven yelled. Lapis arrived. She put Steven down. "This is not good," Jasper said angrily. "Look at the size of it, I had no idea these things were so big!" Peridot yelled while looking through the telescope.

"Jasper! Peridot!" Lapis yelled. "We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity. Where were you?" Peridot yelled. "...Eating fry bits at harbor" Lapis said. "Oh, can I see?" Steven said. Steven peered. "Woah. It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!" Steven yelled. "NOT awesome! It's a Red Eye!" Peridot said. "A Red Eye?! It's going to infect us all!" Steven yelled.

"THAT'S PINK EYE STEVEN!" Jasper yelled annoyed. "It's going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people! We have to stop it." Peri said. "What are we going to do?" Steven asked. "The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a Light Cannon that belonged to Yellow Diamond!" Jasper yelled.

"My Mom?" Steven asked. "If Yellow Diamond were here, this would be so eas," Lapis complained. "I know, but she's not, and the cannon is missing. We'll have to find another solution." "If it belonged to my mom, I bet my dad knows where it is. He can help us save the day! Huh? Eah?!" Steven assured.

Peridot tried to sugarcoat her opinion of Greg. "Greg is... nice, Steven, but I doubt Yellow Dia. would entrust someone like him with such a powerful weapon." Peridot smiled. "Your dad is a mess Steven," Lapis said. "LAPISSSSSS!" Peridot said, stretching out Lapis' name. "I'm just sayin', even if she did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean by no," Lapis said. "But maybe not the ocean, I must've sensed it if he did" Lapis continued.

"True though," Jasper replied. Jasper and Lapis laughed loudly. "No way, I'm sure he's just keeping it somewhere safe. I'll go ask him." Steven said. "We can handle this, Steven." Jasper said. Jasper turned around to Lapis. "You ready? Wait why am I asking this of course you are!" Jasper said. Jasper and Lapis laughed once more. Jasper lifted up Lapis and threw her. Lapis summoned her wings and flew next the Red Eye. "Ugh, I'm going to go" Steven complained. "... Okay, good luck" Peridot told Steven.

Steven ran to the car wash. "Dad, it's me! Dad, are you in there? Wake up! We have to save... the— WORLD!" Steven yelled. "DAD?!" Steven said while getting into his Dad's van. "Who's there? I have a waffle iron!" Greg yelled. "Dad, it's just me!" Steven yelled.

"Steven? I almost waffled your face! What are you doing up so late?" Greg asked. "What do you mean? The sun just went down an hour ago…" Steven trailed off. "Oh, heh. It was a... slow day at the car wash. Anyway, what's up? Just needed to see your old man, pal around, learn some lessons about life?" Greg offered.

"No! I need the light cannon that belonged to Mom, to blow up that giant red eyeball!" Steven said while pointing to the Eyeball. "Eyeball…?" Greg said before turning around in shock. Greg saw Lapis still attacking the Red Eyeball. "TRY HARDER!" They heard Jasper yell. "I'M TRYING JASPER!" Lapis said before laughing.

"Wait, is that a magical thing? The Gems told me not to get involved with magic stuff. It... it could be dangerous or interfere with what's left of my hair" Greg said while rubbing his bald spot. "But they need Mom's cannon. "You've gotta know where it is, like a cave dungeon or a cloud fortress, or in a clam at the bottom of the ocean!" Steven said.

"Well, I don't know about all that. But I have an idea where it might be." Greg said. Steven and Greg ran into the van and drove to the U-Stor. When they got there, Steven was super excited. "A magical storage unit!" Steven yelled.

"Ha, not exactly. But some would say there's magic inside. It's just a shed I use to keep things that don't fit in the van. If it's anywhere, it'll be in here." Greg told Steven. "If I'm going in there, I'm gonna need some gear," Steven said while tieing a flashlight around his stomach. "Here I go," Steven said.

"Good luck!" Greg said while Steven crawled into the shed. "Woah, cool! It's like a dad museum. There it is! Do you golf?" Steven asked while holding a golf club. "Eh, I'd like to think of myself as someone who would golf... eventually," Greg said. Steven kept rummaging through the shed. "Hmm, yes! ... A drum. No, no…" Steven gasped "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Is this—" Steven grabbed the T-shirt cannon.

He shot it. "Buy T-shirt Cannons"? Hey, there's a bunch of copies of your old CD!" Steven yelled at his Dad. "Huh. Oh, man, I couldn't give those things away. You know, before I ran the car wash, when I was a one-man band, I traveled the whole country." Greg replied. Steven giggled. "I know Dad" Steven said. "When I came to play a concert here in Beach City, no one showed up except—". "AN ALLIGATOR!" Steven yelled. "No, You're mother" Greg told Steven.

"Hahaha, I know" Steven aid while rummaging more. "And we were always together after that. Until she gave up her physical form to bring you into the world. I don't know what a magic tall lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me." Greg told Steven. Steven's knee hit a picture of Yellow Diamond and Greg. It broke.

"Uh, Dad, I broke a photo." Steven said. It was a picture with Yellow Diamond's signature disgusted face and Greg with hot dogs shoved in his mouth. "It's okay buddy. If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs." Greg replied. The light cannon started to glow. Steven gasped. "Dad, I found the cannon!" Steven yelled to his father.

"Really?" Greg said. "Get the van! This thing could save the city, we've gotta get it to the beach!" Steven yelled. "How? It's too big for the van." Greg told Steven. He put the cannon into a wagon. "Easy does it" Greg continued. The two ran into the van and started to drive.

"Is it gonna be okay?" Steven asked his father. "If every porkchop were perfect-". "WE WOULDN'T HAVE HOTDOGS!" Steven yelled. "That thing's getting huge, it's freaking me out," Greg said. "Can't the van go any faster?" Steven complained. "This is faster!" Steven yelled.

"Don't worry. Come on, let's put on your CD." Steven suggested. Greg blushed. "What? Really? Come on, you've heard it?" Greg said. "Yes! LET ME DRIVE MY VAN INTO YOUR HEART!" Steven sang along. They arrived at the beach.

"Throw me again, I think I'm cracking it. Is that... ?" Lapis said, getting up from the ground. "Hey, Guys!" Steven yelled. "He really had it!" Peridot and Jasper said. "WE ARE SAVED!" Lapis yelled. "We gotta use it now, guys" Jasper said. "I don't know how it works, it was Yellow's!" Peridot exclaimed.

"Dad, how do we use it?" Steven asked Greg. Greg shrugged. "UGH!" Jasper said while punching the ground. "Steven, this is serious. The gem. You have Yellow Diamond's gem!" Peridot and Lapis yelled. "That's it!" Jasper exclaimed. Jasper lifted up Steven and rubbed him against the cannon "UGH!Come on!" Jasper yelled. "Stop that!" Peridot and Lapis yelled.

"It's no use…." Peridot continued. "Forget it, Jasper. Throw me again." Lapis told Jasper. "That's not going to work," Peridot said. The gravitational pull became worse and pulled the van and cannon. Greg unhooked the cord from the cannon. "I got this, " Greg said.

Greg got pulled. "Ugh, wait, nope, maybe I don't!" Greg yelled. Steven grabbed onto the cannon. "Please work, unlock, activate, go, please! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless! I know you can help." Steven yelled. "It's okay, Steven. We'll figure out something else, something even better." Greg yelled. The other Crystal Gems gawked at Steven and Greg.

"R-r-r-right, if every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs," Steven yelled.

"It's working!" Peridot said. The cannon unlocked and fell. Everyone gasped, Jasper's gasp more noticeable than the others. Steven attempted to lift it. The other ran over and tried to help while Greg noticed. "Steven!" Peridot yelled. "This is it! FINALLY!" Lapis said. "GUYS, BRACE YOURSELVES!" Jasper yelled to everyone.

The cannon shot out a diamond shaped blast and hit the Red Eye. It exploded and the shrapnel fell. It hit some parts of Beach City. "Steven, you just saved most of Beach City!" Jasper said. Steven yelled to Mister Fryman, "Sorry about that!" Steven said. "What?" Fryman said.

"How did you get it to work?" Peridot asked. "I just said that thing that Dad always says," Steven replied. "That thing about pork rings? Was Yellow really that big of a clod to make it about pork rinds?!" Peridot said. "Hot Dogs, Peridot" Jasper replied. Greg started to tear up and mumbled, "Yellow Diamond….". The tide washed the van Greg lived in.

Everyone laughed beside Greg. "MY VAN!" Greg yelled. "It's okay, Dada if every porkchop were perfect—". "I LIVE IN THERE, STEVEN!" Greg yelled. "Wait up, Dad!" Greg yelled. "Oh geez, wait, wait, wait!" Greg yelled. Everyone ran to go help him.

[END]

 **Edited- 8/30/2016**


End file.
